As for me, my parents weren't dirt poor, but were always struggling to stay afloat of the bills.  In regards to social status, Brett and his family were way out of our league and under normal circumstances he wouldn't be caught dead hanging out with someone like me.  So why were we best friends?  The answer is simple.  I have a very hot fraternal twin sister named Jill.  They'd been dating since middle school and since we share so many common interests, we've always been together like three peas in a pod, unless of course they needed their "alone time."

  Every time Brett was asked to join his uncle on a trip, Jill and I were invited to come along.  We'd thank him often and he always said, "Don't thank me.  Thank the fat slobs who buy my junk food!"  The three of us have had some great times.  I've made some sweet memories with the foreign ladies too, if you know what I mean.  Indeed, there were benefits to having a friend like Brett, but now I wish I'd never met him.  If I could do it all again, I'd trade the adventures for staying home with my family and merely dreaming about a better life.

  When Brett's uncle passed away we were heartbroken. Even so, when we learned he'd left his nephew a large sum of money as well as the cabin on the lake, it was difficult to contain our excitement.  It was also agreed that if Brett used some of the money for college, he'd be given an executive position at the company when he got out.  He was all for that, but first it was time to celebrate with a week at the cabin.

  I had a date but she backed out at the last minute.  I forgot the reason why.  Whatever it was, it probably saved her life.

  The cabin was gorgeous.  It was spacious, single-story, and had a huge kitchen and fully-stocked bar.  It only had one bedroom, but I didn't care because I loved the living room with its stone fireplace, plasma television, booming stereo system, and leather couch.  The cabin was set on a hill overlooking the lake and the living room window offered a wide, panoramic view of the trees in front and the water beyond.  I used to find it so interesting to be standing in the air conditioned lap of luxury and have such raw, virtually untouched wilderness laid out before me on the other side of the glass.

  Brett drove us there in his SUV and we had barely unpacked before getting into the bar and cranking up some music.  Afterwards we canoed to a swimming raft on the lake, did some fishing, and Jill cooked what we caught back at the cabin.  When night fell, we were lounging in the living room by the fireplace, buzzing hard and laughing at each other's silly jokes.  At one point, Brett made a toast commenting on how cool it was to have such an attractive and loving girlfriend and to have her twin brother as a best friend.  We tapped our glasses together and my drunken response was, "It's kind of creepy, actually, to know you like me so much that you'd fuck me if I was female."

  While Brett and I burst out laughing, Jill said, "Jack, that's just wrong."  Yes, that's my name.  Our parents had a very corny sense of humor.  I was born first and Jill, the breech baby, came tumbling after.  Ha-ha, very funny.

  In an effort to make an amusing comeback, Brett said, "Oh, I don't know.  I bet you'd look real cute in Jill's teddy."

  "Oh yeah?  Let's find out."  They didn't follow me to the bedroom because they didn't think I'd have the nerve to put my sister's lingerie on.  However, they had underestimated my current lack of inhibition.  When I returned sporting her silk outfit right down to the thong underwear, they found themselves yelling in shock and then rolling on the floor with tears streaming from their eyes.  They were laughing so hard that for a moment I couldn't move as the hysteria gripped me as well.

  Once I could breathe again, I began to wave my bare butt cheeks in front of Brett, singing Marilyn Monroe's "Happy Birthday Mr. President."  I turned around to find Jill standing next to him with a camera pointed at me that she'd found in the cupboard.  There was a flash and my alcohol-induced absurdity was immortalized on Polaroid film.  I proceeded to wrestle her for it as she waved the photo back and forth in the air.  Meanwhile Brett was in awe of the surreal sight of me rolling around on top of my twin...in a teddy.

  That was when the head rush hit me.  I shouldn't have been moving so much after all I'd drunk.  I stood up and watched the room spin for a moment.  Then something caught my eye outside the large window.  With the lights on in the room, it appeared pitch black outside.  I could have sworn I saw a pair of eyes staring at me, though.  They were gone a second later and I shrugged it off as seeing white dots from the camera flash.

  Brett noticed my wooziness and suggested it was time to hit the sack.  I offered to give the teddy back but Jill declined.  She especially didn't want the thong back and Brett said that after seeing me in it, he was too traumatized to crawl in bed with Jill wearing it.  I considered changing, but as the lights went off and the alcohol continued to swim through my head, I figured to hell with it and plopped face first on the couch.  It was only a matter of seconds before I was fast asleep.

  Later that night, I awoke without moving or opening my eyes. My right shoulder was buried in the cushion and my head faced the back of the couch.  When I opened my eyes, I grew nauseous from the spinning in my head.  I didn't want to move for fear of throwing up, but knew it was best to drink some water.  The more I hydrated myself then, the better I'd feel come morning.

  I still didn't move.  I had that strange feeling of being watched.  I wanted to dismiss the sense of paranoia, but it was so strong; the hairs were standing up on the back of my neck.  Careful to make as little movement as possible, I turned my head into the seat cushion until I could see across the room.  The light from the full moon illuminated the area with a blue hue except for the large, human-shaped shadow that stood on the other side of the window.  I almost jumped, but froze instead.  What if it was a crazed maniac scoping out the place?  As my eyes focused, I could see one side of the shadow moving.  The arm was doing something.  The thought of a maniac came to mind again, sharpening his blade before breaking in and slaughtering everyone.

  Adrenaline began pumping through my system, pushing sleep and nausea out of my head for the time being.  I became more aware of my situation, remembering that I was wearing a silk teddy and my current resting position had my ass pointed straight at the window.  Now there were different images going through my mind turning fear into anger and disgust.

  There was a lamp within reaching distance next to the couch.  I switched it on and the moon's glow was replaced by artificial light.  It was just as I'd expected.  The shadow was staring hard at my exposed rear and stroking himself in an excited frenzy.  What I didn't expect was that he wasn't human.  His face was like a person in a Neanderthal sort of way, but his naked body was covered in dark brown hair.  It was a yeti that stood at least eight feet tall.  I flipped over, pushed myself into the couch as far as I could and screamed.  The yeti let go of his member and vanished from view, but I continued to yell until Brett and Jill entered the room.

  "What's wrong?" Brett said.

  "It's a Bigfoot! A Bigfoot was staring at me in the window!"

  Jill smiled and tried to control her laughter.  "What was it doing in the window?"

  "He was jerking off!"

  Jill lost it and laughed hard.

  "Okay," Brett said, "I think you were having a nightmare or possibly a warped wet dream.  Regardless, you need to just go back to sleep."  I wasn't paying attention at first.  I couldn't keep my eyes off the window.  Jill was able to calm me down after a while and she tucked me in with a blanket before joining Brett back in the bedroom.  With my ass planted into the rear of the couch, I continued to watch the window until sleep forced me under.

  The next morning, I got up and headed toward the bathroom to shower and dress in something more masculine.  I passed Brett in the hall and he said, "Damn Jill, you look rough in the morning!"  That was the first of many jokes at my expense made that day.

  After lunch, Brett followed my sister to the lake for a swim while I searched the front of the cabin for signs of my peeping Tom.  There were no tracks because the ground was dry and rocky.  I checked the nearby trees and brush for tufts of hair and other signs of disturbance but had no luck there either.  Brett snuck up on me while I was inspecting the window for large fingerprint smears and startled me with a roar.  Rather than look more insane, I dropped it and tried to enjoy the rest of the day.

  At sunset we started a bonfire on the lakeshore and roasted hot dogs and marshmallows.  It was a nice spot with rocks and log benches circling the fire.  Jill had brought the teddy along so we could burn it after eating.  She no longer saw a use for it and certainly didn't want to see me in it anymore.

  Brett was licking melted marshmallow off his fingers when he perked and said, "What's that?"  Not willing to fall for another joke, I gave him a dirty look and the finger.

  "Seriously, what is that?"

  Jill looked and said, "Shit, the canoe is floating away."

  I turned and sure enough, the aluminum boat was drifting along the shore.  All three of us sprang to our feet and ran after it.  I was the first one there, splashing in up to my knees before I had hold of the rim.  We pulled it out of the water and returned to the bonfire.  A foul smell stirred in the air, reminding me of sweaty sheep.  It was dismissed as a skunk in the area, and then we noticed the food was missing.  I proclaimed my innocence, but they were positive I was messing with them so they'd believe my story.  Their suspicions worsened when we realized the teddy was gone, too.

  I steered clear of the alcohol that night.  For one, I wanted to be alert.  Secondly, it would be one less excuse for them in case the hairy pervert returned.  We managed to enjoy the rest of our evening inside.  Brett gave me the occasional curious look with half a smile.  I asked what was on his mind, knowing full well what the response would be.  He said, "Come on, what'd you do with the food and lingerie?"

  "I'm gonna wait until you fall asleep and shove it up your ass."

  "That's not a denial."

  Later I was coming from a shower and found Brett and Jill watching television.

  "You're just in time," Brett said. "I think I know where your stalker went off to.  Apparently, his name is Harry and he's spending time with this family, the Hendersons."  I must've watched that movie a hundred times when I was a kid, but couldn't bear to see it now, so I turned it off.

  "Hey!" Jill said.  "It's been years since I've seen that.  I was enjoying it."  She looked up at me and could tell I wasn't in the mood.  Brett suggested they watch it in the bedroom and I encouraged it.  I was turning into a sour puss and couldn't blame them for it, nor was there any sense in exposing them to it.  I turned out the lights and curled up on the couch facing the window.  For a time, I was too nervous to sleep.  The sound of my sister and friend giggling at the movie in the bedroom was comforting, though.

  When I did fall asleep, I slept deep.  Then I woke up with my face buried once again in the back of the couch.  It was quiet in the house, so the others must've been dozing.  A voice in the back of my mind said to close my eyes and return to my dreams, but I couldn't.  The eerie feeling of being watched was haunting me again.  There was no way I'd ever get back to sleep until I checked the window, so I did.  I turned the lamp on and screamed with eyes wide in terror.  Brett and Jill came running down the hall.

  "There were two of them!" I said.  "Two Bigfoot standing outside the window!"

  Brett crossed his arms.  "Were they jerking off?"

  "Yes!  They were side by side, staring at me and yanking themselves!"

  "Jack, this is getting old," Jill said.  "I'm not dealing with this a second night in a row."

She turned and went back to the bedroom.  Brett followed.  I sat awake until sunrise.  Only then did I feel safe enough to sleep, which wasn't well because the others were up cooking breakfast soon after.

  It was a very awkward day with them.  It was obvious they were upset, but I couldn't tell if they were angry with or worried about me.  They entertained each other at the lake while I stayed inside and watched television.  This time, I didn't dare check outside the window.  They were sure to see me and I didn't wish to make things worse.

  Jill prepared a wonderful meal for us that evening, complimented with relaxing music.  I assumed they were making an effort to ease the growing tension.  Although I appreciated it, I was still a nervous wreck once night fell.  As bedtime drew near, Jill pulled the curtains across the window and Brett approached me with a bottle of Nytol.

  "Look," he said, "I'm not saying that you're not seeing things, but it's certainly affecting how you sleep.  Who knows?  Perhaps you're experiencing some form of terror sleep.  You know, it's like dreaming something really horrifying just before you wake up.  That sort of thing would make it difficult to tell if it's real or not."

  I thought about it and he had a valid theory.

  "I'm no doctor," he said, "but why don't you take some of this medicine.  If nothing else you'll get a good night's sleep, and we could all use one of those."

  The concern in his eyes seemed sincere and I didn't think it would hurt to take some, so I complied.  Within a half-hour my eyelids grew heavy and I was comatose before long.  Ah, there's nothing like the hard slumber that only the thick red syrup can offer.  My dreams were vivid and realistic.  At one point, I was a small child nestled in the arms of a beautiful woman, nursing on her breast.  It seemed as though the nipple grew in my mouth.  A musty stench filled my nostrils leading me to think the woman needed a bath, or perhaps she had to use the restroom, but was afraid to disturb me.  The nipple was so large now.  I opened my jaw wider to keep my teeth from digging in.

  Finally the stench woke me up.  The medicine hadn't worked its way out of my system, so it was difficult to focus right away.  I saw nothing but large, dark shadows and there was still something in my mouth.  Saliva dribbled from my lips and formed a wet spot on the pillows.  Afraid to make any sudden movements, I shifted my eyes around first.  A bright flash filled the room followed by the familiar sound of Polaroid film being ejected from a camera.  I jumped, gagging on the disgusting object as it went further down my throat.  The guttural sound of my stomach lurching provoked the thing to exit and I reached for the lamp.

  Standing next to me was a Sasquatch with a wet, erect penis and at the end of the couch stood its friend with the camera, waving the film back and forth.  I tried to scream and vomited instead.  The yetis departed with the camera while Brett and Jill shuffled into the room.  They heard the door close, but were more concerned with my puking in front of the couch.

  "What the hell are you doing?" Brett said, his face contorted in fury.

  "Goddamn it!" I said between lurches. "Goddamn it!"  Tears were streaming from my eyes.

  "Jack, please," Jill said.  "What's happening to you?"

  "Goddamned Bigfoot!" I said.  "They were in here.  One put his fucking cock in my mouth while the other took a picture."

  Jill tried to suppress a laugh.  "How would a Bigfoot know what to do with a camera?"

  "I don't know," I said, spitting bile.  "They probably saw you using it the other night."

  Brett said, "This has gone too far.  You can't expect us to believe this horseshit."

  "I don't care what you believe!  You didn't wake up with a big, hairy dick in your mouth!  You can still smell 'em.  Can't you smell that?"

  "I smell your puke!"

  "Well I'm not spending another night here. We need to pack up and leave."

  "Oh come on," Jill said.  "It's the middle of the night!  Look, why don't you sleep in the bedroom tonight.  We'll sleep out here."

  "How the hell is that gonna work?"  Brett glared at her.  Now he was pissed off enough that everything seemed to set him off.

  "I'll take the couch and you can sleep on the floor.  I'll clean up the mess."

  The suggestion calmed me a bit.  "Fine, I'm going to the bathroom to wash up.  I've still got the taste of Bigfoot cock in my mouth."

  After gargling, brushing my teeth, and gargling again, I still felt tainted, so I took a shower and gave myself a thorough scrubbing.  I even turned my nose up so water could run in.  It was a terrible feeling, but I was having trouble getting rid of that smell.  I just wanted to be clean.

  Jill had been working fast in the meantime.  When I was finished, the living room looked much better and the sheets were changed in the bedroom, ready for me to climb in.  For the first time since we arrived, it felt safe to sleep.

  In the morning, I reminded them of my desire to leave, but Brett insisted we stay one more night.  He explained that I could have the bed while they slept in the living room.  His reason was to prove nothing was visiting the place at night.  If the beasts were to make an appearance for Brett and Jill, they would at last believe me and we would all leave at that moment.  However, if they were to have a peaceful night, it would prove I was having some sort of sick hallucination and would need to consult a doctor when we got home.

  This seemed fair enough, so we had another day of uncomfortable silences.  Early in the evening, I closed the curtains in the bedroom and watched television there.  I was concerned for the safety of Brett and my sister, but at the same time wanted them to see what had been terrorizing me.  After all, maybe I was seeing things.  What if I was indeed going crazy?

  I don't recall when I dozed off, but I think it was during a Twilight Zone episode.  Later I was awakened by a loud commercial and turned off the television.  I paused for a moment and listened in the darkness.  All was quiet, so I returned to sleep.

  An unknown amount of time passed before a loud crash jolted me out of bed.  I turned the light on and waited to hear something else.  Jill screamed and a voice deeper than any human being's answered her with a long bellow.  I approached the hallway slowly, wanting to go to my sister's aid, but unsure of how wise it would be to rush into it.  There didn't appear to be anything in the bedroom that could be used as a weapon.

  Jill's body flew down the hall and landed against the bedroom dresser.  I jumped back and lost my balance, falling back on my rear.  Oh my poor sister!  I stood up in time to see her last breath being pushed from within her crushed ribs.  She died with her face set in a terrified grimace.  One arm had been torn from its socket and the other was twisted over her head and pinned behind her back.

  No sooner had the image been burned into my brain, a Bigfoot entered the room.  It seemed pleased to see me.  I attempted to run by it and escape down the hall, but it grabbed me by the back of the neck and forced me to walk in front to the living room.  Brett was mangled as well.  His bleeding corpse rested among the remains of the curio cabinet he'd been thrown at.  The other Bigfoot was there, too.  He held the door open so the other could lead me outside and we all proceeded through the woods to their lair.

  I had no idea there were so many miles of caves under this area.  They've got access to all sorts of places without ever seeing the light of day.  There is also an abundance of spring water throughout the labyrinth of cold stone.  Now I call this place my home.

  That first night at the cabin, the Bigfoot had seen me dancing and set his sites on me.  The next night, he brought along a friend to show off what he'd found.  The third, well let's just say they needed something to show the others.  Then the fourth night is when they decided to come for me.  They wanted me and only me, so I guess that's why they threw such a fit when they found Brett and Jill in the living room instead.

  So now I spend each night entertaining the whole lot of them.  There is a large room in the cave the size of a banquet hall and at one end is a ledge that serves as a stage.  Light is provided by torches set along the walls as well as stolen lanterns and flashlights.  At one end of the stage a Sasquatch turns the crank of a phonograph, filling the room with music from the 1920s.

  The crowd goes wild with excitement as I step out wearing my sister's teddy.  The female yetis often squeeze their nipples when I shake my rear in their direction, while the males aren't bashful about masturbating right there in the crowd while they watch.  Photos were taken of me with the Polaroid camera until it ran out of film.  Then it was smashed against the wall and forgotten.  When I'm doing a good job at dancing for them or entice them more by lip syncing to the words of the music, they'll reward me by throwing hot dogs and marshmallows at me to eat.

  It's a miserable way to spend the rest of your life.  When I'm not performing, I live in a small cavern with a few ledges to sit on and a spring fountain that I use for drinking and as a toilet.  The water enters through a hole in the wall and leaves down a larger hole in the floor.

  Every now and then, they'll pull a prank on me like putting a fresh turd in my hand and tickling my nose, but for the most part I'm left alone when not performing.

*****

  Jack sighed.  "I wish we'd never come to that cabin.  If only we knew."